Okay so yesterday I was at my mom's house for a sec, and she had the news on. A reporter was talking about the poor families that have lost their belongings and their houses in CO,
and she asks "how do they go back to normal"?
The answer??
They don't.
How can they possibly go back to "normal"? Their lives have been turned inside out and outside down. And then I realized, people might actually be thinking this in regards to parents like Patrick and I.
We will never be the people we were before, won't happen. Dylan has changed our lives and I don't want to "go back" because that would be like acting as if he never existed, and why in the world would I ever want to feel that way??
I recently had dinner with a friend of mine from high school and she asked what to say (in similar situations to ours).
Are you listening?
Because this is important
The age old "If you don't have anything nice to say yada yada" doesn't fit here.
If you say NOTHING, it's like you're not there, or you're avoiding us.
If you can't think of anything, say "I'm sorry" and give them a hug.
Invite them over for dinner and show them that you care.
Doing nothing can actually hurt more than you would think. We've actually lost friends because they never contacted us after Dylan died. And it's true, you really learn who your friends are during a tragedy (as cliché as that sounds, its true).
Wow, I had a lot to say today!
I wish you were close enough for me to hug! <3
ReplyDeleteI love you for writing this! When my friends lost their mother, people thought saying nothing was better than saying the wrong thing, and let's be honest -- there are a LOT of wrong things to say like "God just wanted him in heaven," or the fabulous-and-totally-illogical "there's a reason for everything." But your advice seems so right for everyone--"I'm sorry" and a hug. Doesn't that just say everything that can't be said?
ReplyDeleteJen, thanks for your posting. As a mom who had heart failure after giving birth and a son with heart problems, I totally agree. Thanks for affirming the way I feel today. I totally needed it!
ReplyDeleteEven though I don't know you at all, I just want to say that I am so tremendously proud of you. You are doing beautiful, wonderful, meaningful things. I'm sure that your son is so proud of you!
Katie,
DeleteI am sorry to hear about your (and your son's) obstacles, I pray that you are both doing well. And thank you for the kind words, we do it all because of him :) He really made us better people.
Thank you for reading, and I hope you had a good weekend!
Jen