Someone posted this in my loss of a child support group, and I wanted to write my own.
I agree with the mom that wrote this. "what do you want for Christmas?" is a very hard question for me to answer. And you can ask my family how difficult it is to get a Christmas list from me...I'm terrible.
But the problem that's so hard for me is, no one can really give me what I want for Christmas. I'm not trying to sound glass half empty or down, it's just how it is. I wish that I could tell them I wanted silly little trinkets for the house or a gift certificate to the hot new restaurant. In all honesty, it's not what I want...
So here's my list of things that I want for Christmas this year:
1. I wish I could smell my boy's baby smell one more time. You know the smell I'm talking about. It's the mix of Johnson & Johnson baby wash/shampoo mixed with a splash of baby spit up. and to me the greatest smell ever.
2. Dylan would be two this year and I wish I could see his little face light up when he opened his Christmas gifts. And see the excitement in his eyes when he woke up Christmas morning to see all the presents magically appear from nowhere overnight.
3. I wish that on Christmas, our families would "fight" over who gets to hold Noah and who gets to have Dylan sit on their lap.
4. I wish that I had my little helper in the kitchen to "decorate" Christmas cookies.
5. I wish Dylan and Noah were here to pull all the lights and ornaments off the tree.
6. I wish I could have seen the boy's reaction to seeing snow for the first time and will always wonder if they would've cried or loved that weird cold white fluffy stuff.
7. I wish I could feel Dylan's hand squeeze my index finger one more time. Hold their little hand wraps around your whole finger and they grasp on for dear life.
8. I wish I could blow on their bellies making them giggle and laugh.
9. I wish I had ever gotten to hear those giggles.
10. This one I'm stealing from her's (see above) "I wish others could understand my pain without judgment and without having to lose a child."
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