Happy Birthday Dylan!

My sweet boy,

Today my darling, you would be turning two.  And you know how much mommy likes birthdays :) Do you remember how I would decorate your pod (room) every week for your weekly birthday while we were at Children's hospital? And we had those monthly photo shoots when you reached one month and then two. You looked so handsome in your onesie ties, just like daddy.

Your birthday present came early on Monday.  I got you your very own copy of Clifford goes to the hospital. I know it was one of your favorites while you were in the hospital.  I can still picture your sweet face and raised eyebrows when I would make my voice change for the different characters.  After we were finished, I'd rock you to sleep and either sing to you or just soak you up by smelling and kissing you all over. Those are some of mommy's favorite memories.  I could've held you forever.

Baby, I can't promise that I won't cry today especially since I've been crying for at least a week leading up to today.  I think of all the things I want to do with you today.  I would have loved to get up extra early and make special pancakes and bring them to you to eat in bed. I wish I was able to throw you a birthday party, make you a special cake, and sing and dance with you in the kitchen. You're old enough now where you would actually get joy ripping your presents out of the paper, I would have loved to see your little face light up with each gift. I would've decorated your room with balloons and crepe paper, and made a crepe paper barricade for you to run and rip through.

I can't help but picture you running around with Landon and Gabe. You three would have been the 3 musketeers without a doubt.  I think of the playdates you would be having with them, going to the zoo, a baseball game...

I can't help but think of you being bossed around by Lily and Iris (bossed in a loving sense the way little girls can boss ;) ) and playing house and school. Running up and down the block with all the kids.

I can't help but think that your little face would light up like Isla's, when you would see your puppy, Vedder, rolling around on the ground or chasing a ball.

Mommy and daddy are going out for pizza tonight to celebrate you.  While you were in mommy's belly, pizza was the only thing mommy wanted to eat (so I'm guessing it was one of your favorites too). With extra sauce! We have our balloons ready to send up to you also, so make sure to keep a look out for them.

We've been getting cards all week telling us that people are thinking about us and praying for us.  But an extra special one came yesterday.  It was a birthday card for you.  It tells you how you live on in their hearts (you know you do in mommy and daddy's, but look baby, you live on in so many more).  And that you inspire them everyday and how your sweet smile will shine on within them. I am so proud of you honey.  You can't imagine the impact you have had during your short time here on earth.  You've made mommy and daddy become better people, reaching out and helping others.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mommy, and you were the best little boy a mama could ask for.

I miss your smells.
how your hair felt falling through my fingers when I washed your hair
How your little hand would grasp onto my finger and not let go
Those cheeks that went on and on for days
And of course your special pair of eyebrows that knew how to work the nurses and staff and Children's hospital.

I'm going to ask Dave & Carole to play one of your favorites today.  You had a soft spot for Clapton, and would always have a little dance party in my belly whenever you heard Layla. So if I hear Layla today, I'll know it was meant for you.

I know you'll have the birthday party up there, after all you've got your baby brother and Taylor too. Not to mention all of the great grandparents that will no doubt be spoiling you! I know your great uncle Mike will whip up a great feast for you of whatever your little heart desires, he's such a wonderful cook! and great Grandma McGraw likes baking, so I'm sure she's got something very special planned. Make sure to share your cake with Taylor and Noah.  I'm so happy you have each other (I'm not, but I know you understand). But it doesn't make me want you here with me any less.

Somehow, we woke up at 3am this morning.  I'm sure you had something to do with that ;) We fell back asleep, but we both remembered 3am two years ago when you came into this world. Thank you.

I love you to the moon and back forever and always muffin.